Stop All The Clocks for String Orchestra

I recently saw the Fauxharmonic Orchestra's competition to write the "next Barber's Adagio" and thought I would have a go.

Three finalists will be selected and given a performance by The Fauxharmonic Orchestra. A panel of three judges (comprised of composer Mason Bates, Orpheus Chamber Orchestra violinist Laura Frautschi, and one other judge to be determined) will select a Grand Prize Winner from among the finalists.

The Grand Prize Winner will receive $2,000 a recording by The Fauxharmonic Orchestra
a live performance by The Baltimore Chamber Orchestra in 2008-09.

A People’s Choice Award will be given to the finalist whose composition receives the most votes from the public. The public will be able to contribute to the “People’s Choice” cash prize via online donation form after the three finalists are announced and their recordings posted on this site. The Grand Prize Winner will also be eligible to receive the People’s Choice Award. In the event the Grand Prize Winner does receive the People’s Choice Award, the composer will also receive a certificate designating him or her a Master of Melancholy. If the grand prize winner does not also receive the People’s Choice Award, no Master of Melancholy certificate will be awarded.

You can see and play my offering, Stop All The Clocks by clicking here.
Click on the Mp3 option so that you get decent playback rather than relying on the midi capabilities of your computer.

This, as the title suggests is a meditation of WH Auden's famous poem. While the inspiration could be considered a little pedestrian, I was amazed to hear that other composers had submitted 9/11 tributes... which I think is a bit of an easy shot to be honest!

I'll update when I hear if I made the final 3 at the end of May.

Spring Cleaning

There really is no better weekend than the Easter bank holiday to spring clean so rather than just taking time to relax and chill out, I have mostly been shovelling into the washing machine and dishwasher, hauling stuff out of cupboards and then cramming them back in some kind of order and running round the flat with a vacuum cleaner. The fridge and freezer are also being defrosted and the bathrooms thoroughly blitzed. Yes, people we're talking major cleaning here.

All that stuff is really good for the soul but recent experiences have prompted me to think about spring cleaning in a much wider sense. Spring cleaning at work and in my personal life and my creative career and I've come up with a few resolutions.

1.Get rid of anything that is superfluous

-things that I don't actually need or want but for some stupid reason think I should have around. Things that are never going to do me any good. Gordon and I brutally went through our wardrobes and filled two bin bags with clothes that will be heading to charity shops - the clothes that you realise you will never wear again and the clothes that you must have been mental to buy in the first place. Two further bin bags of damaged or clothes that have simply been warn out. But the real spring clean was coming to terms with the fact that our wardrobes could be divided into fat and skinny clothes - or rather "yeah ok it fits" and "you're having a f***ing laugh mate". These clothes have been relegated to a secure location to be revived at such time I drop a couple of jean sizes.

2. Spend time on the people that really matter and are worth my investment. I've really been neglecting a few people who I know I should be there for and have also come across a few friends who have recently fallen on hard times that could do with someone to listen to them or someone to give them support. I've spent too much time on people who my friend Andi calls (in her official capacity as a therapist - how cool is that?) 'help-resisting complainers' or people who will never return an emotional investment. And of course, people who you thought were your friends but actually just use you for the things they can get out of you. The people who never remember your birthday but want you to support them in their latest venture. This is particularly rife in the artistic world where you are invited to attend shows, readings and workshops of the people you know. Do you ever question if they'll come to support you? The artistic community should be there to help each other.

I had an experience recently where I was called by a friend of mine desperately needing help on a theatre project, a bit daunted by the task, I called another friend of mine and he instantly agreed to help me. Those are the kind of people I should be investing in more. Not because they can do something for me, but because they are there for me when I need them and they expect nothing in return. That's very different to the people who are prepared to be your friends when you are of value to them - the friends are happy for you to help them move home, do some DIY for them, take them to a hospital when they are sick or help them with a job application, but when it suits them, they conveniently forget that. They base their concept of friendship on how much you do for them in a single moment or how much you say they are right or how much you heap praise on them. These people do no good.

Gone too are the people who always talk about themselves and don't actually ask if you're ok when you're going through the meltdown of your long term relationship. They aren't even aware those kinds of things are happening because they are too wrapped up in their own worlds to even ask general questions which might allow you to open up. These are most likely the people that will then accuse you of not being there for them! We've all been there, haven't we? You can be there for them as much as you want (and as much as they like) but it is never enough.

3. Be thankful and bask in positivity.

I am pretty terrible at doing this sometimes as I've documented on my blog. But for the record I love a lot of things about my life and this is why 'spring cleaning' is so important. Again I was recently talking to Andi who hopes to come to the UK and we were discussing how she is probably going to have to train as a teacher because she may not qualify for the highly skilled migrant programme. Andi said "Well that's a price I'm willing to pay to live in London - it's a price I have to pay. Any American who gets to live there should go sit in Leicester Square and think how lucky they are". I'm willing to take this a step further and say, "any English person should go take a walk round Leicester Square and think how lucky he is". On any given day I get off my train at Paddington and I begin to feel a real energy around me. While my journey across to the outskirts of London and mirky Barking can be a little soul destroying I am still thankful that I get to be part of an amazing city and that it is there for me when I want it to be. There are people who would deny me that feeling - complaining that London is busy, crowded, dark and dingy or that their own problems are far more important and I should pay lip service to them. They'll end up in a bin bag like those striped trousers I got on sale in 2000.

It's not just about the little things like where I live or where I work, but it applies to my career. In the last 3 months I have made amazing progress on my work and for this I am really thankful. I've been tempted to think "well it's only a 30 minute film, not a feature" or "it's only a small scale professional play" but the reality is that if anyone had said to me I would be doing those things in early 2007 back in 2006 I would been so excited. I had lunch with a very close friend of mine, Aimee who was my classmate in Psychology and we spent the entire lunch just catching up. She's a PhD student and she was telling me how she'd become published in her first year. Her immediate reaction was "well it's not the best publication" and I reminded her how we actually dreamed when we were undergraduates of getting published. That was a pipe dream then and Aimee has now done it. We both left the lunch on amazing high and that's something I want to keep every day. I would love it if in 50 years time when hopefully I have had the career of my dreams, that I look back on these early days and don't devalue them as small or insignificant. The next thing to do is to identify those people in my life, my 'friends', my colleagues, my family who breed and feed on that negativity and eliminate their ability to have that affect me.... and if they can't do that, eliminate them from my life. Harsh as it sounds, I don't have the energy to deal with people like that because there really is no way of dealing with them.

4. Lose the judgement.

I've been saying to friends all year that somehow I feel like I've turned a corner in the way I view the world and my career. I am more confident and I'm taking more risks. I'm putting my neck on the block more and standing up to challenges. When talking about change to friends from my past, they ask me what has prompted this. I give various reasons - finding courage and so on. But actually I think it's because I've stopped caring what people think about me and my work so much. I've got a new confidence which says "Your work says how good you are. If your work is good then you are good". I have often been paralysed by the fear that people will judge me as being silly, as being a pretender, a wannabee. I've stopped worrying about that literally overnight and now I'm applying that principle to the rest of my life.

I was recently confronted by someone who just unleashed a massive amount of judgement on me saying that I was X, Y and Z. I was unbelievably hurt by this and then I thought "how is that helping anyone?". The fact is - it wasn't. It might have made that person feel better but in actuality all it was designed to do was hurt me. When I discussed these accusations with friends they said "well there may be some truth in what they are saying, but that's you - that's why we love you". There is no point in trying to please or appease those who aren't happy to accept you as you are. At the end of the day, most people who judge you are declaring one thing - that they are judgemental!

I really feel like these resolutions mean that it's not just my flat that is getting a spring clean - it's my life as well - and that is so important.

Which Musical Are You?

Apparently I'm

You are The Phantom of the Opera!

People seem to disappoint you a lot, but that's probably because of your great genius. You may feel iscolated from "ordinary" people from time to time, but your true friends will always stay with you- even if that is hundreds of feet beneath an opera house.68 other people got this result! This quiz has been taken 799 times. 11% of people had this result.

Aint dat the truth!

See what musical you are by taking the test here.