Theatre For All... Even Naked Dudes

The Broadway theatre where I currently work (and where I recently became Administration Manager) has a clear audience development mission to bring live arts to the people of Barking & Dagenham. A theatre can be an intimidating place so the staff team was absolutely delighted to see that recently the Broadway has been scoring great success in encouraging minority groups to attend.... even naked people.

Yes a naked person visited the theatre on Friday. He was inspired to undertake a bit of audience participation after attending a wedding reception at the pub opposite the theatre. The man in question was first spotted washing his mourning suit hat in a puddle of rain outside the pub. Obviously not comfortable, he decided to take his shirt off as well... and then it seems the rest of his clothes.

Unfortunately the naked dude never made it to the auditorium, but seemed perfectly happy to use the bathrooms. However, I still think that as he actually came through the front door we can now mark "temporary naturists" on our equal opportunities and all those Arts Council forms.

Freelancing (Sometimes) Sucks

Ok so I am in a really bad mood right now and I thought I would let off steam here. I hate freelancing. Well, I don't really.... but I do right now!! I'll try and be positive.

THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT FREELANCING

1. Being able to pick and chose my projects. Yes, if I become a full time freelancer I might have to take projects I hate, but I'm not there yet. I decide whether a show or a project fits my plans and my diary. If I am too overworked or fancy a holiday, I can take one.

2. The money. It is nice to have money and get paid for doing something I love and something I am good at.

3. You learn on the job. Every project and every client teaches you something new about being a musician, a composer, an instrumentalist (a better sight reader, a better doubler).

Now...

THE THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING A FREELANCER

1. Having to law suit people to get any money out of them. I am about this far away from a name and shame on here. "This far" being a finger gesture representing about 2cms or so. I am currently dealing with two clients who got services which were agreed up front and simply have not paid. I'm pretty reasonable. I give them months to pay their invoices and ask them to set deadlines when I am chasing for payment. They take the piss - they really do. Then to get any money you have to act like the bad guy. You are the one who has to write the stroppy letter. You are the one who has to use phrases like "take steps to protect the revenue from clients by legal means if necessary".... and then you might feel a bit guilty afterwards but you jolly well shouldn't because they owe you the money and you have been more than reasonable.

2. Other freelancers bitching at you. Yes I may be quite new to freelance work but that doesn't mean I'm an idiot or that you know better. Also whatever happened to a bit of team spirit? I recently asked an acquaintance of mine if she knew of anyone who would lend me an instrument for a gig. She replied that she didn't think it was fair of me to ask to borrow an instrument (for free) when I was getting paid. WTF?! One, I didn't ask you for a truck load of judgement about what you consider to be ethical in this situation. Two, there is nothing unethical about asking someone to borrow an instrument whether the gig is paid or not. Three, save me the loaded question on whether my rates comply with the Musician's Union. Why yes they do bitch and that's none of your business anyway! Four, I have leant my instruments out countless times and never got upitty because the person I was lending them to was using them for paid work. I really hate it when other freelancers try and lecture you on how to conduct your affairs. Said lecturing occurs on the following premises:

a) That you do not know what they are telling you. You may well know, it may not be relevant or you may not care.

b) They have a duty to tell you or impose their opinion on you when it was not requested.

c) They know what they are talking about.

d) Their opinion matters/is the only way.

... so far my experience has been that none of these are true when freelancers have been bitching at me.

3. Clients who contact you and actually don't know what they want. Tell tale signs are conversations that start with "I'm trying to do this...." or "I have this idea...." or "There's this project....". Clients often fail to give the whole picture about what the project is as well so you can't even deduce why it is they are contacting you. I am left asking "so, is this an orchestration job or do you just want something notated? Is this for live performers or do you want a recording synthesised for you?". The best client e-mails start by saying "this is the project and we need you to...".

4. Clients who don't give you closure. Yes you may want to get a quote from elsewhere, yes you may have cancelled the project, perhaps you found someone else who would do it for cheaper, maybe your funding didn't come through. Either way, could you please at least tell me because then I can actually free up space in my diary or at least cross out a mental pencilling of the resources I am going to have to dedicate in order to fulfill you requirement.

Grrrrr rant over. I feel better now.